A Signed Rejection Note...

Wahoo, I'm moving closer to getting published! Actual ink from an actual person's hand holding an actual pen touched the paper of my latest rejection note for a short story I sent in!! Anybody who has tried to get published knows the significance of this, it is the acknowledgment that a live human being at the literary magazine actually read my little ol' story. All previous rejection notes either had no sign of human existence on them or were non-existent (Making me wonder endlessly, did my story get lost in the mail and they just didn't receive it? For surely if they had received it they'd be calling me and offering me buckets of money for it, right? Right.) I have dutifully torn up all previous rejection notes, telling myself, between tears, that perhaps my story just didn't fit the theme of that volume or perhaps all of the editors at the magazine were blind and partially mentally handicapped. But this rejection note, with the scribbled Thank, The Editor(s) - the 's' is in parenthesis because I can't tell if that line is an 's' or the end of the 'r' - is pinned proudly to my bulletin board. You can be assured that the Thank, The Editor(s) will be dissected thoroughly by me and that by the end of the week I'll know with 99% certainty whether or not there is an 's' after the 'r', which of course would mean that more than one person had read my story (dare I dream?) or maybe just that the editors like to speak as a collective unit rather than individually (a less attractive theory). Ah, how the publishing world lowers your standards. Now if I could just get a coffee stain or a pen scribble in the corner, you know, when you're pen is out of ink and you have to scribble it on a piece of paper to get the ink flowing. Maybe an actual name? Wow, then I'd be so close to actually getting published I'd be able to taste it. I think it'll taste like caramel apple.

Penis Free, Please

Also on writing news, I'm trying to get together a writing group/book club with a girl I know through a creative writing friend. I'm really really excited, this is our second attempt in doing this. The first time I attempted it I put an ad in a local newspaper, which attracted some very odd and scary men. One man was an older, grouchy type who once he opened his mouth it wouldn't shut until you had to literally interrupt his anecdote about his previous writing group in which they were all drinking in the basement of a bar getting into mischief and such. He was very determined to get us to come to his basement and drink for our next writing group, to which my girlfriend and I firmly declined. Oh, and did I mention that he ripped of us new assholes with his critiques, with helpful, positive comments such as this is shit and I hate poetry so I'm not even going to read this? Another guy's first story was about a has-been boxer with a rough first person voice with the cliche hick family in which he slept with his cousin and his mentally retarded brother had an abnormally large penis, so large that he would give himself fellatio.. must I continue? Yes, our first attempt was not a success. This time we're going women only (I know, so pussy-ish of us) and only with people we know, or people whom people we know know. No strangers this time. Honestly though, we really don't feel like inviting strange men into our homes (this time we're rotating hosting it rather than meeting in a library, etc.) Yes, we are wusses, but at least we tried it the other way and it was a disaster. Live and learn, and Never do again. Hopefully we can get enough women interested to get this started. I'm nervous we won't find enough women, it's so hard to meet people with your same interests outside of college. And it's also hard to get women with families and other commitments to commit to meeting regularly. We're going to start with every other week and hopefully if it goes well upgrade to every week. I'm super stoked (yes, I did use the word stoked and I love it) and can't wait for this to get off the ground. If you live in the Cincinnati are and aren't a crazy, leave a comment and maybe we can figure out how to meet.

Don't forget, no penises allowed.