Why Not?

World's Tallest Man Saves Dolphins.

Cowher's Big Decision Is... Still A Non-Story That Is Being Over-Covered By The Media.

The Proud, The Loud, And The Arrested Bengals Christmas Song:

Enjoy and Happy Holidays.

I'm Really Starting To Like This Guy...

Word.

Double Word.

Tofu = Gay

So somebody needs to come over and push my mouth shut because I literally cannot believe this article:

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products.

Thanks to The Daily Dish for this enlightenment. Tell you the truth, if this is true then I'd happily feed my son tofu! I've always said that I'd be thrilled to have a gay child because at least I'd know that the child would grow up in a completely loving and accepting home and hopefully will then be better prepared with our support to face the world of homophobes and people prejudice against gay people.

Seriously, though, people have completely taken their fear of homosexuals a bit too far with this tofu bit. Gimme a break!

Thirteen Moons: A Review

Thirteen Moons by Charles Frazier is about Will Cooper, a bound boy outcast from his family after he is orphaned by his mother's death. As a bound boy Will falls in love with Claire, a mysterious Indian girl who is the charge of the conflicting character of Featherstone, a cruel and yet fatherly figure to Will. Will is also adopted into a nearby Cherokee tribe by Bear, a wise and kind Indian who clings desperately to the old ways and refuses to move his people from their home land. This novel is epic in the sense that it takes you from Will's boyhood into his old age. It is with Frazier's beautiful and descriptive language that this novel is told in, bring forth the time period so vividly that you feel as if you were there.

I will start off by saying that I adored adored adored Cold Mountain with an adulation that has made me reread the book (something I rarely do now-a-days because there are so many books on my TBR list) and push it onto anybody who shows the slightest interest in literature or reading. I was ecstatic when the movie was made and enjoyed that as well. With this is mind, I approached Frazier's long awaited sophomore novel with great anticipation and expectations. Unfortunately, I was disappointed by it. And I preface this with my adoration of Cold Mountain because perhaps I wouldn't have been so disappointed if I hadn't expected so much from the book. Not only did I expect it to be as intense as Cold Mountain but the storyline sounded wonderful and with all the elements that I usually love in stories. Learning about past times, an intense romance, war, different cultures and redemption. I expected a story that would pull me along by my heart so that I was desperate to keep reading the book, like I was with Cold Mountain. I do warn you, as you can probably already tell, I will compare this book to Cold Mountain often in order to make my point of what worked and didn't work for me in the novel, whether or not it is fair for me to do so, it's impossible for me to separate them at this point.

My first issue was with the point of view, Cold Mountain was in third person narrative and also gave the points of views of both Inman and Ada, which worked wonderful to develop their characters and to build the suspense of their love and their reunion. The intensity of Inman and Ada's love for each other was portrayed perfectly as a representation for other desires, such as Inman's desire to be home and Ada's desire for company and intimacy. Cold Mountain was wrought with desire, danger and heartbreak. Every character was vivid and well developed and the drive of the book was strongly and pulsing. Thirteen Moons was as opposite as you could get. The point of view was first person and I found the voice of Will Cooper to be inconsistent and a bit distant at times. I felt that we lost a lot of character development of some of the main characters such as Bear and Claire through Will's voice. Featherstone, in fact, is the only character that came to me vividly. Even Will's true character was lost on me and felt false. I truly wish the book had been in third person and I would have been interested to have Claire's point of view, though I would have been okay without it. Will's voice was neither convincing nor interesting and the story came out extremely flat to me. The relationship between Claire and him was even less convincing, I didn't feel Will's desire for her except for the first time he met her, and that worked because he'd just been sent out as a bound boy and was lost and lonely and the connection he made with her when he "won" her worked well. However, I never felt it again and much of the story's plot didn't make sense to me. He sometimes goes searching for her and other times doesn't? His search for Claire never seemed desperate or driven, it always seemed like, well, I guess I'll go search for her now because I don't have anything else to do. And Claire was never a person to me, she was a body in which Will coveted. I never once got a sense of who Claire was, she was an enigma, a representation of some sort of perfection that Will made her out to be, but she wasn't real to me and maybe never to Will either. It was an entirely flat romance and got tired and old.

Another issue I had with the book was that the conflict was nearly non-existent, which I find really difficult to achieve considering the book spans over the removal of the Indians to the West and the Civil War. The only time I felt true conflict was when Will and Bear's people were hunting down Charley, and it was from Charley's point of view (told through Will) that presented the conflict and drama. You felt Charley's pain and conflict, not Will's. All the other conflicts seemed glossed over by Will, a quick retelling of the events without letting you experience them. There were definitely not enough scenes and far too much summary in this novel for my tastes.

Overall I was most disappointed because Cold Mountain was such a rich and vivid book and Thirteen Moons was neither. It came out flat and uninspired, even though it had so much potential. I wanted to know Bear and Claire better. I wanted there to be true passion and tragedy between Claire and Will and with Bear's people. I wanted to truly feel Will's love for the Indians and his desire to find a home (I really didn't get this theme at all until I read a line about it near the end of the book). I wanted to experience the tragedy and drama of war, feel the fear of Claire that Will would die, or Will's fear that he'd never see her again. I tried really hard to enjoy this book, and while Frazier's writing was once again beautiful, the story was disappointing.

Now, things I enjoyed about the book. Of course the writing was superb, there's no denying that. With phrases such as:

Writing a thing down fixes it in place as surely as a rattlesnake skin stripped from the meat and stretched and tacked to a barn wall. Every bit stationary, and every bit as false to the original thing.

Often the phrases of description Frazier used were pure poetry and I got to know the land and the times of the 1800s very intimately. I know more about that time period than I did before reading the book and it has led me to be more interested in it. If nothing else, the novel is educational and detailed to an excruciating degree.

Overall, I think my opinion of this book is clear, not one of the worst books I've ever read, if nothing else, the amazing writing of Frazier and the history lesson makes the experience worth it, but definitely nothing to rave about. The good news? The movie rights have already been bought and I guarantee you that the movie will beef up the parts of the novel that were lacking, such as character development and of course the romance between Will and Claire, as well as the drama of war and the removal of the Indians. I look forward to the movie and hope it will fulfill the things that lacked in the novel so I can enjoy the story that was bursting with the potential to be one of the great stories written about that time period in our history.

For some different views on Thirteen Moons, feel free to visit here, here, here, here, and here.

Cool Linkage

I was cruising a cool Steelers Blog, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls (I mean, the name says it all, does it not?), and found a link to Steelers Bars through the States AND Internationally! Now I knew that there were Steelers Bars in most major cities and states, but the international Steelers Bars are pretty cool. I mean, previously, my hubby and I would try to schedule our vacations around the football season so we wouldn't miss a game (yeah, I'm not joking) and the one time we didn't was for our honeymoon but we had made sure prior to leaving for it that the resort would receive the channel the game would be on, luckily it was a nationally televised game. Unfortunately the moment the game started the resort's satellite went down, which resulted in a panicked running around the resort trying to find someone to fix it so we could watch the game. It was the Steelers/Giants game of Ben's rookie year and we sure as hell wanted to see Ben beat Eli's ass... not that we were bitter or anything that Eli got picked before Ben because of his last name. Just curious though, why such a poor showings in Utah and Mississippi? Only one Steelers bar, what'd we ever do to those states?

A mixture of technology and literature in a crazy way.

Orhan Pamuk's Nobel Peace Prize speech.

Now I know what I'll be doing at work for the next couple of weeks. Thanks for showing me this, buddy!

And that's all folks, enjoy your all's weekend, hopefully it's not as bitter cold and horrible as it is here in Ohio. I'll be watching football this weekend, but it'll be more relaxed than usual. Not only have my Steelers already played and won big time (anybody else drooling over Anthony Smith's performance?), but my Vikes have the lowly Lions to play and I've already clinched the division in both my fantasy leagues, so I could lose in both leagues and still make it to the playoffs! Life is good. Next week I'll be back to the stress filled football Sunday with the Steelers playing at Carolina (and they've been lowly on the road), the Vikes playing the Jets (who have been good when they feel like it) and my playoffs in Fantasy Football starting (where one loss means you're out!)

But this weekend, it's all relaxation and fun!

Look for my review of Charles Frazier's Thirteen Moons coming sometime early next week, or this weekend if I'm feeling ambitious.

Some QB Funniness

The new:

And the original:

Don't worry Ben, I still support you even if BradyFan83 has turned his back on you! Though, you have to admit, his video was pretty damn funny. It does beg the question, however, would you rather be adored by BradyFan83 or dissed by BradyFan83? After watching the Brady Tribute, I'm leaning towards dissed.

BradyFan83 apparently has some other vids out there on Randy Moss and Emmit Smith, which I haven't had the opportunity to check out yet, but feel free to and let me know if they're worth it. I did live out the Randy Moss era in Minnesota as a Vikings fan, so I definitely will have to watch that one!

mai wen's Book List of 2006:

Alright, so in a totally unoriginal fashion, I'll be listing some of my favorite books I've read in 2006 (they weren't necessarily published in 2006, but just books I'd read in 2006). I'll throw out a disclaimer that I only started listing books that I read since I started the blog, so I don't really remember all of the books I read at the beginning of the year (gosh, that seems Forever ago!) so the picks might be heavily taken from the end of the year.

1. Without any doubt Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison was my absolute favorite book I read this year, and one of my faves of all time. It'd been a while since I'd devoured a book like I devoured this one. It kept me up at night and I literally stayed up until 3am to finish the book. Song of Solomon is clearly a masterpiece, and the fact that Morrison has other books out that are deemed masterpieces over Song of Solomon makes me eager to read more of her novels.
2. One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez was a masterpiece as well, a novel that spans across generations of one family and moves you through the mystical and the real, mixing the two so carefully that it is nearly impossible for you to separate the two by the end of the novel. The novel tears at you and is as intelligent as they come. It was a journey reading it and one that I couldn't shake from my bones for days afterwards.
3. The Known World by Edward P. Jones is also (to be completely cliche) a masterpiece. Another book that mixes the mystical with the real and spans through a time in our history that was as muddied and mixed up as ever. A time when African Americans owned slaves and plantations. A time of transition and ugliness, but also of beauty, hope and strength. The novel is an epic novel that moves you seamlessly through the different lives and experience of its characters and brings you to all the tragic and heroic endings that the book can bear.
4. Pride of Baghdad by Brian K. Vaughan and Niko Henrichon is an excellent graphic novel the begins a discussing on the war in Iraq. Overtly political, well written and beautifully drawn, I was disappointed when it was over. Even though there was no possible way for a sequel, I deeply wished for one and was sad by the end.
5. Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel is another graphic novel! Man, I've really broken into new territory this year! Granted, I've read and adored Maus I and II by Art Spieglman, but that was the extent to my graphic novel experience. Thanks to the literary acclaim of Fun Home that buzzed the book in my ear and a good friend who's really into comics, I was able to be more exposed to this great art form. In this graphic novel, Bechdel was daring and stunning. While I had some issues with the book, mostly it involved a wish that the characters outside of Bechdel and her father to be more fully developed, and that was because I loved the novel and the story so much, I just wanted more!

I told myself I'd limit myself to my top five of this year (not counting the first half of this year, which unfortunately I have no memory of what the hell I read), so there it is. I hope it gave you some good Christmas books to ask for!

What were your favorite books you read this year?

From The Well Known and The Not So Well Known

Via Daily Kos:

"Former secretary of State Colin Powell said Wednesday that it is time to face reality and recognize Iraq is in a state of civil war. Powell made the statement after growing what are known as ‘retirement balls.’"
---Amy Poehler
-

"President Bush met with the Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki. Afterwards President Bush said 'Maliki is the right man for the job.' Just to remind you, President Bush also said FEMA's Michael Brown was the right man for the job. Donald Rumsfeld [was the] right man for the job. Tom DeLay was the right man for the job. Which would be okay...if Bush was the right man for the job."
---Jay Leno
-

"NBC has announced that they will now refer to the Iraq war as a civil war. President Bush said no, no, no, no, no, it's not a civil war until it becomes a series of Time-Life books."
---David Letterman
-

"The White House announced today that it was banning the sale of iPods to North Korea. President Bush said, "If North Korea is going to make nuclear weapons then we won't let them listen to Coldplay."
---Conan O'Brien
-

"A Trainer at Sea World Adventure Park in San Diego was hospitalized Thursday in San Diego after a killer whale grabbed him and twice held him underwater during a show. On the bright side, the trainer did give up the location of three al Qaeda hideouts."
---Seth Myers

Via Overheard in Minneapolis:

Minnesota Woman: Where are you from?

Iowa Man: Iowa.

Minnesota Woman: (singing) What's high in the middle and round on both ends?

Iowa Man: ...that's Ohio.

Minnesota Woman: Oh... I thought that was Iowa.

Via Overheard in New York:

Professor: If you put a frog in a beaker of water and gradually heat it, at about 160 degrees or so the frog will look around and say, 'Oh, shit! I'm dead!'

--NYU

Overheard by: Emily J

Professor, as student closes window and piece of paper floats outside: At least it wasn't a body.

--SVA

Overheard by: jaclyn

Professor spastically spilling coffee on text: I just got so excited by Emerson I ejaculated my coffee all over him.

--Literature class, Columbia University

Professor: The Native Americans used peyote as part of their religion. And if you do peyote, believe me, you're going to have a religious experience. You're going to think you're flying next to God, like, 'Hey, God! Why you going so slow?'

--Columbia University

Overheard by: leilah

Professor: Please turn off your cell phones, beepers, pagers, interactive Gatorade bottles... Thank you.

--College

Overheard by: Kaleena

Writing teacher: ... And I thought to myself, 'These people are artists. They're not supposed to be acting like normal people. They should be acting aloof and riding some sort of bizarre bicycle that they made themselves.'

--Eugene Lang College

Professor: I'm so not used to teaching like this... It's like a classroom.

--Eugene Lang College, the New School

Overheard by: rpk

Also, thank goodness my mother never caught me opening my Christmas presents early!

Packing Away My Life

Okay, so I haven't quite started packing for the big move next year (which probably will take place in May), though I have packed a couple boxes of books so our office didn't look like a cramped library and we could get rid of one of our poorly made bookcases. I tried to lighten the boxes of books by splitting them with clothes, but as my husband will tell you, I don't think it helped much.

I have, however, started packing for Africa, which my husband lightly jibes me for because if it were him, he'd be packing the weekend before the trip, if that! Sigh, I'm destined to be an obsessive over-planner, and hence my packing has begun, as have decisions such as should I get a mosquito net? Should I go with the 30% Deet or 40% Deet bug spray? What's "conservative" dress? Frick, I just realized I didn't think to put PJs on my list, what sort of PJs? I have enough trouble packing as it is for any sort of trip (just ask my husband who has to lug around my weighed down luggage), but for Africa, I mean really, even with lists galore, how can you really be prepared for the completely different world? And plus, we're strongly advised to pack light since we'll be carrying our bags around a lot... yeah, I'm screwed.

Another huge question I had was whether I should bring my camcorder or not. At first I'd thought it'd be a great idea, what a great way to remember all of the events and to relive the experience, especially since it's been a long term desire of mine to write a novel on the child soldiers of Uganda. A video would be an amazing way to document my experience in Uganda that I could use as reference later when I start my novel. However, obviously my first goal and priority is to the people of Uganda and I've since learned that taking pictures and recording video is often seen as rude, depending on the situation, so of course the camcorder is out.

But truly, as I've began my preparations for Africa, I've realized that there's far more to consider than I originally thought. Considerations on how to interact with the Ugandans without being condescending or colonial towards them. I absolutely do not presume to know better how to fix all of their problems then they do and truly I hope to learn from them as much as they learn from me. But then that brings up the question, what the heck do I have to offer them? I'm knowledgeable on the issues in their country right now and have helped raise money for the child victims of the war, but what could they truly learn from me? But maybe they don't aim to learn from me, but only to educate me so that I can come back to the states and educate the people here, and hopefully start a movement that can make an impact - which I hope to do. I'm very curious on what the Ugandans who are participating in this summit aim to get out of this.

There are currently many arguments against short term volunteer visits in developing countries, arguments I was not aware of until I was accepted and started doing some research to prepare for my trip. These arguments make it clear that volunteers can do very little good painting schools, etc. in such a short term visit and that it'd actually be more beneficial to just donate the money that would have gone to travel expenses directly to the people. When you think of it, why would the locals want some people paying thousands of dollars just to travel to their country to paint a school building when they could have hired local help to do it, not only giving one of their countryman a job, but also saving tons of money to be used elsewhere where there's a need. They state that these short term trips are mostly beneficial for the volunteers as a unique experience and a new perspective on life outside of their's, and often all these trips do is make the volunteers appreciate their own lives more. However, most articles do validate the usefulness of volunteers who take what they learned and apply it once they're back home to help the people in the country they were visiting. I'm very thankful that the group I'm going with seems very open and up front about these perceptions and that one of the main focuses for being accepted into the program was what you intended to do with the knowledge learned on the trip after getting home. Also, while the trip is costly, we're attending a summit and not taking a job away from the locals. The aim of the summit is to learn from the Ugandans and discuss at a "round table" (kimeeza) solutions for rebuilding and healing Uganda. We are to come as equals, not as superiors who assume we know more than the Ugandans about their own country's problems. The efforts of this summit is to build relationships that will last beyond the trip and develop into positive relationships overseas in which a mutual goal of helping Uganda rebuild and heal is worked on.

I hope that the youth we visit in Uganda get as much out of this summit as I know I will. I know that this trip and the fact that many view short term volunteer trips to countries in need as a trip more for the volunteer than those in need will inspire and push me to take this trip and make something out of it. I'm don't want to disappoint the people whom I will go on this trip with (who sound like an Awesome group of gals... yes, no boys were brave enough the venture out with us) or the people I meet in Uganda. It is a responsibility that I will carry with me even more so than I already do.

I am excited and nervous about this trip. The last thing I'd ever want to do is offend anybody while I'm over there and I have shed the assumption that people there will be thrilled to have me over there. Ultimately I would feel honored to be a part of the country's rebuilding and healing process, if they'll have me.

What do you guys think about volunteer work in other countries and their benefits or lack thereof? If you think they're not beneficial, what are better alternatives? As a soon to be graduate student of Social Work, I'm truly intrigued by this topic.

For a good summary and up-to-date issues with this conflict, check out this article.

Winter's Bone: A Review

THIRD DAY BOOK CLUB
Hosted by Paris Parfait this month

Winter's Bone by Daniel Woodrell is about the rough and tough Ree Dolly who's left in charge of her crazy mother and her two younger brothers. She lives in a poor area where she has relatives seemingly speckled everywhere she goes. Her struggles to take care of her family at age sixteen by herself compounds when her father puts their house and land up as security for his bond, and then he disappears. In a determination to save her house and land, Ree sets out to find her father. Through her quest we learn what one will sacrifice for love and the meaning of courage.

I really liked Ree. How could you not? She says things like, "Right now I feel like I want to blow me a big sloppy hole clean through your stinkin' guts." She doesn't take no shit from no one and she loves her brothers and mother so fiercely that she's willing to risk anything for them, even her dreams of escaping the life of poverty and drugs that surrounds her. This novel is rough and ugly at times, showing people's ruthlessness and weaknesses. It is written bluntly and sometimes awkwardly: "Clouds looked to be splitting on distant peaks, dark rolling bolts torn around the mountain tops to patch the blue sky with grim. Frosty wet began to fall, not as flakes nor rain but as tiny white wads that burst as drops landing and froze a sudden glaze atop the snow." Those sentences are an example of the awkward style of writing I found in this book to be very distracting. The first sentence started out alright, but Woodrell's habit of ending sentences with adjectives makes the sentence harsh (which may have been his intention, since much of the language used in this book are sharp and harsh) and awkward. I felt like often Woodrell's descriptions didn't flow because of this style of writing and it was very difficult for me to get into the story for much of the book because I was so distracted by his style of writing. The second sentence re-demonstrates Woodrell's using an adjective as a noun writing style, but not at the end of the sentence, but rather at the beginning. These two sentences do follow each other in the book, and so to have this harsh method used twice right in a row made me doubly cringe. "Frost wet"? I feel like I'm talking to a two year old who doesn't know his adjectives from his nouns. Maybe it worked for some people, but frankly, for me it didn't. Not that all of his descriptions and writing were horrible, just the ones that used that particular style.

The characters are very vivid in this novel and at once despicable and lovable. It is often that a character you have pegged as one thing shows another face in this story. The characters are often complex, especially Ree, who battles her need to escape with her love and determination towards her family, especially her little brothers whom she wants to be raised different than all the other Dollys to make something of themselves. She also battles her love and attraction for a best friend whom she can never have and the fear and love for an Uncle who raped her and for a father who made mistakes that threatened to take everything from her and her family, but whom she comes to realizes loves her and her family in his own way. Ree is a complex character who doesn't ask for much for herself and protects herself with a hard layer of tough talk and attitude backed by her independence and courage.

This novel is dark and encouraging, brutal and tender, a contrast of all sorts that leave you feeling the harsh realities of the world. It is not a novel in which you can escape in and feel all warm and fuzzy in the end, on the contrary, it's a novel that is unforgiving with it's reality and bluntness and perhaps will make you appreciate your cozy life more, as it did for me. The novel's ending is the epitome of reality in every sense. It does not end in the most ideal way, with a nice red bow tied around it, it ends realistically, how it'd probably have ended in real life. It is a good, quick read, but not a novel that will awe you or steal you from your life. For me, it didn't stick either, the novel quickly drifted from my consciousness and I was quick to move on to my next read, Thirteen Moons by Charles Frazier, whose writing style vastly fits my tastes better. It's full of long elaborate descriptions that suck you away into another place. Descriptions that are so pretty that sometimes you forget to pay attention to the actual meaning of the sentence and have to reread it. Granted, that takes you out of the story a bit as well, but in a way that you don't mind because, especially as a writer, you just appreciate the writing so damn much.

My review for Thirteen Moons will be coming, pending the completion of the book. I'm already behind on my aggressive schedule for reading it, so I'd better get a reading!

Thatta Boy!

Big Ben is a man after my heart! An avid animal lover, Big Ben bought his hometown a new K9!

Dude, I'm all about the animal love, I was at Petsmart last night with the hubby and almost adopted three cats.

Okay, so I was already all about Big Ben before his animal generosity, but that sure doesn't hurt my unbridled admiration of him.

Third Day Book Club... Coming Soon!

I just wanted to remind you that on December 3rd I along with many others will be blogging about Daniel Woodrell's Winter's Bone.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're all thinking. December 3rd is a Holy Sunday, and not holy in the way most people think, for me it's Football Sunday! Well, don't worry, I already have my review written and am just waiting to post it. Plus, I'll be on my computer anyways checking my Fantasy Football teams, so it all works out. No fear, football will be watched quite undisturbed. Hope you check all the reviews out and join in on the fun!

Work Etiquette

Okay, so this may be a bit raunchy, even for me, but I couldn't help myself. I'd read this email a while ago but it has resurfaced in my inbox and now I must post it.

For all those stuck in offices with such human oddities such as cubicles, this is for you:

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING

When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY

The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE

A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK

When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occur red.

COURTESY FLUSH

The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME

Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER

A colleague who poops at work and is proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P. F. N)

A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS

A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR

Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH

A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE

A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON

A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH

Pretty Dead On

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The Midland
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The South
The West
Boston
North Central
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The Death of a Dream

No, no, I'm not talking about my dream to go to Africa, I'm doing that in January. Nor am I talking about my dream to backpack through Europe for a month with my husband, that's getting done in March and April. I'm talking about my dream for my Steelers to have a repeat Super Bowl appearance and win. Yes, that dream was squashed big time with a shut out from the Ravens. You thought I wouldn't mention it, didn't you? That I'd hide in my little cubicle hole and pretend that I had never heard of the Pittsburgh Steelers? Nope, no fair weather fan here. I still love the team and am looking forward to their incredibly awesome comeback next season! My Vikes are crawling to their death bed as well, but I figure it all works out for me since if either of my teams did make it to the playoffs, I'd have to miss the first couple of games since I'll be in Africa, and I truly doubt I'll be thinking of football while I'm there - though I am a football freak, so I wouldn't be entirely surprised if I were thinking football either.

Nonetheless, the death of my Steelers dream has brought on a lot of doubts and questions about my own dreams. See, I have a problem, I'm not one of those people who can just be happy doing something they don't hate and living an uneventful life. I need to be doing exactly what I love and living a busy, meaningful life to be happy. I married a man who is more like what I first described, not that he doesn't like to have and eventful life or wouldn't love to do something he loved, but he doesn't have to in order to be happy. I'm insanely jealous of him. I stress about my decisions because I know my happiness is dependent on them, such as what if I go for my Masters in Social Work and end up hating it and wasting those years and money? When should I have children? If I have one soon, will I not be able to fulfill my dreams? If I wait, will I be miserable waiting and have that unexplainable yearning in my womb that I'm not sure if any man will ever understand? Sometimes I feel as if my body wants a child more than my brain does, am I crazy? Why can't they get on the same frickin' page! How do you know what will make you happy if you haven't done it yet? What if you get into it and it doesn't make you happy? Some things, such as children, are not reversible, nor would the graduate school refund my money I'm sure if I'm unhappy with that decision. I'm sure I want to help people and I absolutely have to change professions, and I'm sure I want children, but I get so freaked about the when and how and all those other important details that make decisions impossible.

I'm sure it's normal to have doubts when making such life changing decisions, I just wish I had more faith in myself while I were going through it and wouldn't waffle so much. I'm so sure of my decisions when I first make the decision, but as that decision gets closer and closer my heart starts to beat a little faster and my self-doubt inevitably creeps into my brain. Will I be a good social worker? Will I love it or hate it? Will I be a good mother? The questions go on and on and truly there is no answer to them but experience, but going for it and finding out the answer through living it. I don't like those sorts of answers. I like answers that are written in a book. Answers that you can see and anticipate. Answers such as, when you push this button so and so will happen.

How do you get through self-doubt and learn to believe in yourself when going through tough times and huge changes? How do you feel pride and happiness in your life even when things aren't exactly as you'd like them (in job, family, love life, etc.)? I hate being dependent on my life situation to be happy, I wish I could just be happy no matter what, like my wonderful peaceful hubby, who I sometimes would like to murder for his contentedness that, again, I'm insanely jealous of. I've found that when things get tough and stressful I just implode and wrack myself with an amazing amount of guilt and self-doubt. I'm really sick of it and wish I could tackle changes like I imagine an old frontier hero heading out to the wild West would. All sun-chapped face and cowboy hat, with one foot on a rock, chest sticking out, hand over the eyes and looking into the horizon of the unknown with nothing but courage and self-confidence twinkling in the eyes. Why can't I have that much confidence and adventure in my spirit? Instead, I'd like to crawl into a hole and go into hibernation until it's all over and we're moved, the decisions are made and it's calm again.

Yes, I know, I'm a horrible coward, but possibly the only thing I pride myself in right now is that I'm still going through with my original dreams and plans. That I trust myself enough to trust the decisions I've already made (or I'm too chicken-shit to change those decisions). I'm not going to run away from my dreams, even though I think going after your dreams is far scarier than never realizing them. It's like in The Alchemist when the boy asks the shopkeeper of the crystal store why he never follows his dream and the shopkeeper answers that he didn't want to let go of having the dream and that he felt that he would have nothing to look forward to if he fulfilled it. But then, truly, the shopkeeper is only living a half life.

So I will buckle down, look for the signs that I'm headed in the right direction and do the big move, go to school and hopefully it will make me happy. If not, then I'll have to come up with a whole new plan with a whole new headache and a whole new slew of anxiety attacks. Blah.

P.S. I just realized that the last time I had a major breakdown like this with big decisions I was totally ragging, and surprise, I am again (sorry for those of faint heart - though if that's the case, why the hell are you reading my blog?) What the hell, should I just shut down all thoughts and decision making for one week every month? I'll be seriously annoyed if hormones has anything to do with my breakdown. That will be TBD in, hmm, about a week or so. I'll let you know if my whole perspective changes once the monthly leaves me. On one hand that'd be great cuz, you know, I wouldn't be freaking out, but on the other hand it'd just straight piss me off that my emotions are so controlled by hormones. Fuck hormones! Man, it sure does stink to be a woman sometimes. That's why I sooo am Not looking forward to the whole pregnancy bit, I've heard that's a wild hormonal ride. Joy.

No Surprise Here

So, at the suggestion of my co-worker, I took a psychology temperament quiz. Yeah, there's definitely no surprises here, but it's nice to know that I am what I thought I was, if that makes sense...

Your Temperament is Idealist (NF)

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are rare, making up between 20 and 25 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

The Four types of Idealists are:

Healers (INFP) | Counselors (INFJ) | Champions (ENFP) | Teachers (ENFJ)

There is absolutely nothing in the paragraph that isn't me. You know how you read something and you're just nodding your head the entire time, yeah, that's what that was for me. I'm really happy to know that I'm going in the right direction with my life going into Social Work. I'm excited and look forward to the fulfilling work. My job now drains me right now because it's soo just not me, if that makes sense. It's not really the job from hell, even though I talk about it like it is sometimes. I love the people I work with, the hours are fairly flexible, the pay is reasonable, but I just hate what I'm doing every single day. It doesn't fulfill me or make me happy. I find myself very fortunate to know who I am and what I want out of life and hopefully going after it will fulfill my every dreams... okay, so I'm not that deluded of an idealist. I know it won't be heaven all the time working in my dream job and there will be hard times, etc., but I think I'll be able to get through it because I'll actually give a damn about my job. I'm the type of person that if I'm not passionate about something, I can't fake it and I can barely muster myself to care about it at all. It's definitely all or nothing for me. I know it's extreme, but that's me! See, the quiz proves it.

Izzz cool.

You Tube Funness

An old favorite of mine:

Seriously, yo, Boom goes the dynamite! I'm going to start saying that Everywhere! And for everything... for example, a perfect time to use it would be when taking a dump in a public bathroom. If you say it in perfect sync with the, ahem, drop then it'd cover some of the embarrassment of the plop sound that inevitably conspires when, well, you know. You know that fake cough isn't covering anything up. Try it, and then let me know how it goes!

And only because this took place in Ohio and I've got to have some flickering Ohio pride left before I move... alright, I'm laughing my ass off making fun of Ohio in my head while watching this! Screw you Ohio!

Last but not least, who doesn't need to hear a chubby young man in his New Jersey bedroom lip-syncing to a Romanian pop song every once in a while? Oddly enough, that song sticks in your head like a disease! It's got an awfully catchy tune to it, doesn't it?

Bias Towards My Own Style?

I just finished a book in which the style of writing felt awkward to me. It took me out of the story and used words in ways I wouldn't even think of doing because it just seems like a horrible idea to me. Not that I didn't enjoy the book. Would I ever read it again? Probably not. Was it a good plot, characters and storyline? Most definitely. Afterwards, I picked up a book by an author I love, whose previous book Cold Mountain I had raced through without taking a breath until the final word (which of course I was sobbing through by that time). Frazier's new book, Thirteen Moons, was like a breath of fresh air for me from the first sentence. I went from feeling like I was a foreigner in the previous book (in which the language and writing had been praised highly in some reviews I'd read) to feeling like I was at home and I could relax into the story without having to be distracted by the writing style, unless there was an extremely good sentence of course. In which case I'd reread the sentence over and over until it just rolled off of my tongue like candy and I'd mark the page so I could revisit the sentence when I felt the need for something beautiful and powerful. However, I am aware that many have criticized Frazier's writing style as dense and perhaps too descriptive. He's been known to go into excruciating detail when describing the surroundings and environment of his novels. He's often wordy. As I've read the criticisms the thought has crossed my mind, hey, that's what people have said about my writing before!

Okay, so I'm not at all comparing my writing at all to Frazier's, that would be, quite frankly, idiotic. He's hands down amazing, and I, well, I'm still unpublished. So there it is. Nonetheless, the fact that I lean towards having a similar style to Frazier does make me think of my favorite authors. As I list them in my head (Isabel Allende, Barbara Kingsolver, Maya Angelou) I recognize that all are very descriptive writers, not at all like the more blunt and awkward style of the book I'd just finished and hadn't connected with. Actually, often I emulate those authors, I read their books desperately trying to find out their tricks and secrets. I steal sentence structures from them, and whatever else I can safely steal from them.

This observation has brought up the question in me: Do we like writers who write like we do? And if so, why is that? Can we not appreciate different styles? Perhaps we just have a preference, like some like chocolate and others like vanilla better. I wouldn't say that I can only read books written in my preferred style, but I will say that I enjoy books much more when it is. It's often difficult for me to get into books that are written in a different style or written badly. I have refused to finish some books that were written badly, but I've always finished books that were written well but in a style that I perhaps wasn't too keen on. So I think I can appreciate different styles of writing, but I won't connect with the story as much as I would a story written in a style that I enjoy more.

In general, the whole idea of "writing styles" sounds awfully vague to me, as if there were clear cut categories that writers are divided on upon their style of writing. Of course it isn't so clear, and there are mixed styles and unique styles, etc. But I do feel that I definitely lean towards a certain style over others, whatever vague category that is. I tried even now to just think of a style "category" for my style of writing and I come up blank and stuttering. It's too complicated to some up in one word, but the closest I could come up with is descriptive. But then there are a lot of different ways of being descriptive, so even that ends up being vague and useless. Unless it's a very extreme and unique style of writing, such as Kerouac's "Beat" writing style, then I don't think people can be categorized so easily.

Do you feel like you prefer one style of writing over another? Does it match your own style?

Random Linkage

They just save our lives and try to make our lives better... Screw Them All!! A doctor in Germany has to pay child support for a child conceived due to a failed contraceptive operation performed by the doctor! Pay child support? Okay, getting sued I can see, but pay child support? Come on people, we're pushing this screw the doctors thing a bit far. I know they're supposedly filthy rich and are human gods, saving people's lives and manipulating their reproductive systems, but shouldn't we just, um, let them do their jobs? As much as we'd like doctors to be perfect because they're dealing with life and death, it's just not possible. They're human and we're just going to have to accept that.

The first woman to head the Chinese Writer's Association. On some blogs, there was an expressed discomfort or concern that she's served for the Communist Chinese government and therefore associates herself as a Communist. Um, hello, she's Chinese! The whole country's Communist. What'd you think, she'd be Republican? Not that that'd be much better than Communism in our country right now according to the masses...

Speaking of China, animal activists would be going nuts over this in America. Good thing the Olympics are in China in 2008 and not here. I mean, most people just use their spouses to test for poisioned food here.

Isabel Allende, pro-women or pro-women who help murder mass amounts of innocent people? You decide.

The illogical logic of Dawkins.

Step right up and get your very own crappy book!

If that's not enough to keep you busy, check out Grumpy Old Bookman's Thursday Linkage. He puts me to shame.

Reading Challenge Even More For Real

Okay, so when I posted my Reading Challenge for myself not too long ago, I hadn't realized it'd become a for real phenomenon... I mean with prizes and a bunch of people really doing it with a deadline and stuff! Okay, so I'll reiterate my Reading Challenge with an official entry to the From the Stacks Winter Reading Challenge. So, since my books weren't focused with this particular challenge in mind and at least one of the books I'd already started and a couple I'd intended on reading casually as needed, here's my official list of books I'll complete from Nov. 1 to Jan. 30 (a lot longer time frame then I was giving myself!):

• Winter's Bone by Daniel Woodrell. I've wanted to read this book for a while, but I finally just purchased it this weekend at the sale and I'd like to get it read before the third of next month for Simply Wait's the third day book club! This month they blogged about Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, which I also purchased this weekend. Since I just bought the book, I didn't participate in the third day book club this month, but am eager to next month. It sounds like such a delightful idea! I hope I already own the book that will be blogged about for January 3rd since I'm not allowed to buy anymore.
• Paint it Black by Janet Fitch. I've been dying to read her widely anticipated follow up to the amazing White Oleander since it has come out, but haven't had time yet. It took her 7 years to complete this one after the stress of the success of White Oleander hit her (damn you Oprah! Um, just kidding, please don't have me shot, Ms. Winfrey...)
• Thirteen Moons by Charles Frazier. There have been mixed reviews on this follow up to the popular Cold Mountain, so I'm eager to see if it's as good or as bad as everyone is saying.
• Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Adichie. Not only have I heard a lot of buzz surrounding this novel and read some great reviews and interviews that make me want to grab it, but since I'm traveling to Africa in January I thought it'd be a good novel written by an African on Africa issues and war in Africa to prepare me for my trip.
• The Last King of Scotland by Giles Foden. I had purchased this book as soon as I heard about the movie coming out and found out it was a book first. I think this would be the perfect read for me when I'm in Uganda as it's about the history of Uganda under the reign of the deadly Idi Amin. I know it's a fiction book, but it's obviously based on the history of Uganda and could give me a glimpse into their culture and history in a more connected way then just reading articles about it. *Note: I changed this selection from The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama because I realized that I would need to read one of the books while in Africa and I didn't feel like bringing a hardcover book.
  

So 5 already purchased and owned books that I have Not started yet that I aim to have read by January 30th! That should be plenty of time to finish all of the books even with the Holidays and whatnot. Books will be read, reviews will be posted, and my husband will see my alarmingly growing stack of unread yet purchased books finally shrink rather than grow. All will be happy. Hey, maybe I'll even win a prize, what the hell?


This Challenge has already tested me. I am devoted to reading books before I watch the movie based on the book and the movie Notes on a Scandal is coming out soon. I've had the novel by Zoe Heller on my wishlist ranked "high" for some time now, but haven't found a good excuse to purchase it yet. If I'd known it was going to be made into a movie I would have purchased it a while ago, but alas, I was unaware until I saw the preview this weekend in the theater. So I will have to wait to purchase the book which means that I'll have to wait to see the movie. Cate Blanchett and Judi Dench, could it get better than that? I'm dying to both read the book and watch the movie. Darn Challenge! Oh right, that was the point of the Challenge and why I joined, so I'd stop finding reasons to buy books non-stop. At least I'm not the only one who struggles to afford the expensive life style of a book addict.

On another note... so now the new and improved Blogger is all done. Are we going to be forced to use it? I'm tentative to switch, but I don't want to be an old fuddy duddy who's afraid of change. Anybody using it yet? Any thoughts, likes, dislikes, warnings, etc. for us tentative Bloggers who are thinking of making the big switch?