1.06.2010

The Space.

Okay, so in the spirit of honesty, I went out with a friend tonight instead of writing. I know, I know. If I'm going to take writing seriously then I need to make some sacrifices for it, but in all honesty, I'd been trying to get together with this friend for a long time and it was the only day we could both do it, also she had just found out some really good news so it felt like a good time to celebrate.

But, despite that, I still feel crappy for missing my writing night and now am too tired to do much but go to bed. My plan is to take the time I was going to write tonight and create my writing space tomorrow. Right now my desk is covered with odds and ends that I didn't feel like dealing with at the time and so just threw onto my desk. Guess I'll have to deal with them now if I want a place to write. I think creating a neat and clean space is important for me to focus on my writing. I like things organized and it would be distracting to have a mess out of my peripheral while trying to focus. Anyways, I'm going to count that as my writing session for the week because creating the space is an important part of the process for me and will help me get into the right frame of mind.

I'm both excited and terrified to get back into writing. What if I suck? What if I've lost what little talent I had? What if, what if, what if? The possibility of failing, of losing the hope of my dream is very scary, but scarier is the idea of never having tried. Cliché, but true. So next Wednesday, in my clean and organized zen-like space facing my beautiful back yard, I will face that blank page and while I may tremble, I Will type and spew out whatever I've been holding inside of me all these silent months and I won't look back. Honestly, I might not even read what I write that day, it might truly make me lose all hope.

1 comment:

Amra Pajalic said...

I'm going through the same thing-getting into a routine after months off. After nearly two weeks of writing 4 days a week, finally a breakthrough. I'm there. I'm feeling my characters and story. It just takes a while and don't judge your writing. I feel like my sentences are as clumsy as a pre-schoolers, but there's a quote i keep remembering a friend told me. 'I'm not a great writer, I'm a great re-writer.' Good luck.

 

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